Thursday, July 8, 2010

Orange-Strawberry-You're-A-Jerk, Dude.

We move to Pittsburgh! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

On the 18 hour drive out here, I was listening to a comedy album by Michael Ian Black, who maintains that everything sounds less negative if you put “YAAAAAAAAAY!” after it. Packing up all your stuff, YAAAAAAY! Moving it all into a storage unit and then being told that unit was actually already rented to someone else and that you’d have to move everything, YAAAAAAY!

Our second day here, the DNB and his mother walk to a local convenience store. We’ve spent the last 36 hours loading and unloaded, and we need a mixer to go with the vodka I all but stashed in my purse to make sure I knew where it was.

The store stocks everything that costs more than $2.00 behind the counter. “Yes, I’d like a box of Cocoa Puffs, please. No, not that box, the one above it. One to the right. Nope, too far, the one to the left. Yes, that one.” WTF, Pittsburgh?

The employee must have heard the DNB and his mother debating which beverage under lock and key would make the most delicious mixer.

“You know what you folks need?” he asked. “Orange-strawberry-banana juice.”

“Oh yes, yes we do,” the DNB replies.

“That would go great with vodka,” the employee continues.

“We have vodka!” shouts the DNB excitedly. “Where’s the orange-strawberry-banana juice?”

“Oh no, we don’t carry that,” responds the employee. “But it would be delicious with vodka, if we had it.”


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