Thursday, March 4, 2010

I'm never cooking again. Part 2.*

Remember that one Thursday night when you tried to make a ham?


That's how it's going to go in about 3 days. For now, though, the other white meat is on my blacklist.

First of all, who makes meat that's the same color whether you buy it cooked or uncooked? Pork producers, listen up. Inject some White #4 in there or something, because pink is not the new cooked.

"So is it cooked or not?" the DNB asks, warily.

I shrug.

"Oh, it's bleeding," he says as he eyeballs it from all sides.

"Let's go with uncooked then," I reply. Fearing this, I've cut off some chunks from the massive, pink, bone-in, uncooked monstrosity I somehow thought would be a good idea. They're lying sadly in the oven. I've been basting them with brown sugar and honey every 15 minutes.

"I don't know how to tell if the chunks are done," I tell him, poking at them. They're the same color they were when I put them in an hour previously.

"Maybe a meat thermometer would have helped?"

I stare at him.

Eventually the meat is done, but the baked potatoes take another thousand hours.

"No really," the DNB says when we finally eat. "It's pretty good."

He pauses. "Really good!"

"I hate cooking."

* The DNB insisted that I title this "Part 2" because he's sure I've threatened this at least once before. Haha, sucker. It's been like 3 dozen times.


Kyla said...

Your blog brings me to tears! Your relationship with your husband reminds me so much of my fiance and I.

I also hate cooking. It is always a disaster!

He also has a pillow pickiness and the toothpaste thing literally had me in tears, as we have this fight CONSTANTLY! I wish I wasn't so excited to tell him about the seperate toothpaste thing so that I could have done it to his tube instead! Keep em comin lady!

Michelle M. said...

pillow PICKINESS? no.... that pillow thing is perfectly normal. I nearly cried hearing you messing with the pillows :( ha.

as for the ham... I cook... a lot... but ham, i never know! i cheat, buy the pre-cooked hams, that you can warm in the over for an hour, and people never know... and if they do, they are too scared of me to say otherwise!