Friday, July 24, 2009

Pity Me, for I am Likely Diseased

"Why does my neck ache when I drink alcohol?" I ask the DNB one night.

"I don't know," he says. Some doctor he turned out to be.

So I ask the Interwebs, for they are never without an answer.

It's not long before I find it. "HODGKIN'S LYMPHOMA?" I shriek. It's on a FORUM, it must be true.

"You don't have Hodgkin's lymphoma," the DNB says calmly.

"Whatever, you're the one who doesn't know anything about the EXTREMELY SERIOUS neck pain/alcohol correlation."

He leans over just in time to see me enter "hodgkin's lymphoma symptoms" into the search bar.

"Don't Google, don't you dare Google," he warns.

But he's too late, and I scroll through lists of possible symptoms. None of them include any pains related to my alcoholism. I sigh.

"Okay, I guess it's conceivable that I might not have lymphoma."

The DNB snorts.

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