Friday, April 17, 2009

Excuse me while I whip this pellet gun out.

I will kill All the Squirrels!

Nahoa doesn't come this morning when I call him into the house. I finally find him lying on the ground by the deck, curled protectively around a new-found Treasure.

It's half of a lollipop.

Not a little Dum Dum, because my life isn't simple enough for that, but a full-blown, carnival madness GIANT LOLLIPOP. The kind that would take you days to eat as a kid. It's swirled with colors, and small pieces of it are stuck to Nahoa's long hair. He growls menacingly, and I have to pick him up and shake him to get him to release the bits already in his mouth.

The Bastard Squirrels did it. The same Bastard Squirrels that built a nest in our tree out of TOILET PAPER because they hate us - a building endeavor that has resulted in wet toilet paper littering our yard after every storm.

Other things the squirrels have brought into our yard: sundry rolls and bread, seed pods from trees of distant lands, a veggie/turkey patty (I didn't examine it that closely), a half-eaten Reese's, cardboard containers from a variety of food items, and an avocado.

The Bastard Squirrels must die.

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