Monday, November 24, 2008

Home Offices, and Destiny.

I get a new desk!

For a number of reasons, our "home office" setup has been in need of an upgrade. For nearly two years, we've used a horrible combination of wood composite file cabinets; the DNB's ancient desk, which is more like a drafting table, has only one, tiny drawer, and isn't tall enough to allow the arms of our chair to slide underneath it; and one of those super-cheap small bookshelves with the laminate finish. We're working four different colors of faux wood, which, not altogether inexplicably, irks me to no end.

Craiglist seems full of used furniture from Ikea, and let me just say that no piece of used Ikea furniture should ever be sold for more than $20 no matter how much it cost initially. I love the store, but Ikea is just not where you purchase items that hold their value. Or kitchen cups that don't require assembly.

After scouring Craiglist and the rest of the Interweb for weeks with no success, I finally decide it is time to enter a real store to shop for my new home office. We go to a used office furniture store and find the perfect, perfect solution. It's a gorgeous custom, cherry, L-shaped desk, with built-in file cabinets. It's also heavier than God, which is how you know you got a piece of quality furniture.

It's delivered the same day, and set up in our basement. The DNB opens and shuts each of the drawers, as if amazed to own a desk that has them.

"David Hearn, VP?" he exclaims, holding a scrap of paper.

I look over from where I'm sitting with my feet up on the desk, practicing my executive poses. "Who's that?"

"I think it's the guy who owned the desk," he says. "Let's Google him."

I do, but he's a tricky fellow to find. Finally, I come up with two options. According to Google, my kick-ass desk either belonged to a former VP of "Futon Life Online" (the Futon Furniture Magazine) or to an Approved Funeral Director & Embalmer Continuing Education Sponsor. And what's totally crazy about THAT is that when I was a freshman in college I took this computerized career survey that was supposed to tell me my ideal careers. After spending more than an hour answering in-depth questions about my work preferences and ideal environments, the computer spit out two suggested careers: air traffic controller or FUNERAL HOME DIRECTOR.

So it's pretty much fate that I own this desk now. It's like the circle of life. Or death. Or something to do with funerals.


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