Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Yes, We Are Ready For Some Football.

We set up a fantasy league!

Since all the hardcore fantasy football geeks have had their rankings preferenced for months, their live drafts weeks ago, and are currently spending half their working days checking on their "Questionable" players, the DNB and I decide to play each other.

Fingers crossed our marriage survives this highly competitive venture.

The DNB's team name is his usual, "Ramrod." Say it! Team Ramrod! I go for a more, um, controversial choice: Team "DNB's My Bitch." THAT should intimidate him, hopefully enough that he won't realize his second choice wide receiver has been suspended.

Preferences set, the DNB hits the magic button to begin our auto-draft. Except, Yahoo doesn't want us to only play each other. Perhaps having seen other relationships crack under the pressure, it recommends we add two more teams to our league.

Disgruntled, we each create a dummy team.

"What the h, Yahoo?" I exclaim.

"What?" The DNB looks up from naming his team.

"Apparently 'YahooSucks' is not a valid team name," I say, exasperated. I try again. "Neither is 'YahooSux.'" It's exactly this kind of censorship that our country doesn't need right now.

"Huh. Well 'Team Blowjob' is, because that's what I just named mine," the DNB replies.

I choose "Vaginalogues," to see if anything is sacred. Yahoo cheerfully accepts my team name, and the auto-draft begins. At the end of it all, Team Vaginalogues has a stellar roster - with LaDainian Tomlinson, Joseph Addai, Terrell Owens, and Adam Vinatieri. Even Team Blowjob looks more promising than either Team Ramrod or DNB's My Bitch.

See, this is why my search engine is Google.

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