Friday, September 26, 2008

The Auction.

We go to a police auction!

It is my first auction, and it's just for bicycles. I've wanted a bike for some time. But not just any bike, a GIRL bike. Not since my very first childhood bike have I had a girl bike. Because my father believed in buying the best quality for the cheapest price. Which somehow always ended up being boy bikes.

We enter the police warehouse, and it's full of bikes. More than a hundred stretch before us. A lot of them are girl bikes.

We peruse the rows, the DNB doing manly things like checking the chains and tires. I base most of my evaluation on whether it looks cute and has a comfortable seat. My first bike had a BANANA SEAT. Those were great because you could get five or six kids on them, and no one even had to sit on the handlebars. You could take the whole neighborhood around the block. Streamers flying, playing card ticking against your tire.

As we wait for the auction to begin, a guy comes riding into the warehouse, on his bike. He locks it to a pole and begins examining the available bikes. Ok first, dude, you have a bike. Some of us don't have any bikes, and here you are wanting a second one. Not fair. And second, if you're ON a bike, how are you going to get ANOTHER bike home? That's just not good logistical planning.

The auction starts, and I immediately get tense, although I'm pleased to see that Current Bike Owner Guy doesn't stick around for it. I begin to sweat. This is not the ideal buying situation for a high-stress individual with "obsessive tendencies." Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with impulse buying, I just like to know the PRICE so I can make my hasty decision. And the auctioneer - how much more confusing could that person make it? She whips everyone into a frenzy with her fast-talking ways, and no one told me that when she's pointing at you and speed-yelling you're NOT the high bidder, but she wants you to be. So I keep trying to bid when she's pointing at someone else, and she keeps looking over and saying, "Yes, I already have $50 from you." Except it sounds more like, "YESAVFIFOU."

We leave with a bike for each of us, and mine is a girl bike at last. I think we got excellent deals, but I'm not really sure. It seems the whole point is to confuse you into buying things you don't even know you're buying, because you had a twitch and had to scratch your ear at the wrong time.

I decide I don't like auctions. IDONKEAUTNS, rather.

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