Thursday, September 18, 2008

Another Reason I'm Not Eating "Meat"

It starts with my comment: "It's a shame they measure the weight of steak with the fat on it. Because you're paying for parts no one even eats."

It ends with the DNB calling my mother.

In between, he loses all respect for me.

"I agree," he replies to the steak-fat bit.

"Besides, fat is the heaviest part," I go on. "What a rip-off."

"Umm, except that fat isn't the heaviest part." The DNB is giving me his condescending smile. "The muscle is the heaviest part."

"No it isn't, but regardless, there's no muscle in a steak," I retort, point made.

He looks at me, smirking.

"What part of an animal do we eat, dearest?" he inquires. I know he's trying to trick me.

"The MEAT, duh."

"Meat IS muscle."

And this is the part where I have to remind you that I am a highly educated woman. But since I wasn't in 4-H (Hands to Serve, Hearts to Love, Heads to Thinking Up Ways to Patronize Your Wife), no one ever taught me that meat is muscle. Seriously, where do people learn this? Was there some 3rd grade unit on "Where Meat Comes From" that I missed? Some slaughterhouse tour for which I didn't have a permission slip?

"Well that's just gross," I state. And misleading.

"Seriously, what exactly did you think you were eating?" the DNB asks.

"The meat, I told you. Like when someone says 'Put some meat on your bones.' You know."

"No, I don't. Because they mean that you need more muscle."

"They mean that you need to fill out. With meat." I'm getting bored explaining all of this to him. "Anyway, chicken isn't muscle. It's white."

The DNB puts his head in his hands. "I'm calling your mother. To tell her she failed."

2 comments:

Amber said...

That's so adorably sad. I wasn't in 4H, and even I knew that.

But at least he gets to be right for once.

Kyle said...

Sorry to sell Suz out - She used to think that the composition of deer antlers was Wood