Monday, January 28, 2008

DNB gets all his HARS-DID

The DNB receives a hair STYLE!

This is in contrast to his usual haircut. These cuts typically take place at whichever national chain has sent us the most recent $6.99 coupon. The problem as I always saw it was that the DNB's hair always looked okay afterwards. Not great, okay. The problem as the DNB always saw it was nothing.

"It's a $6.99 haircut, what do you expect?" he would argue. The answer, of course, is a crappy cut. I tried for literally years to get him to visit one of my stylists, but he always had excuses, like that my stylists charged more than $6.99 and that if he looked too good, Catherine Zeta Jones might finally want to run off with him and where would that leave me but sad and alone?

I have no idea what changed (maybe he heard from Cathy to stop stalking her please?), but one day on a whim I make him an appointment on the DL with my new stylist, Orange; send him an Outlook calendar reminder; and off we go, remarkably sans complaints.

After an hour and a half with Orange, the DNB is a new man. He knows how to work with his hair, where his peculiar growth patterns are, and to stop trying to flatten his cowlick because it's not going to happen. He also has a killer cut and an updated style.

"Baby," he complains as he admires himself in the passenger mirror on the way home. "I feel like you've ruined my . . . what's the word?"

"Manly ambivalence?" I suggest.

"Yes. You've ruined my manly ambivalence."

He takes a last lingering look at his hair and sits back against the seat, sighing contentedly.

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