Thursday, December 20, 2007


"Never go to bed angry," someone wrote in a wedding card to us.

I rolled my eyes at the cliche. There's so much more to a successful marriage than that.

There is. And there isn't.

Even in the throes of newly wedded bliss, I can't always do it. I'm too proud, too stubborn, too everything but loving in those moments.

I can't be the first to turn towards the center of the bed, wrap my arms around him, and apologize. I just can't.

It's a slow road, this path to I'm Sorry. I'm sure in that past I've gone spans of years without uttering the words. It's something I'm working on because it's an ugly and cruel way to live; Always Right.

It's not as satisfying as it once was, because now I would all at once give my life for the same person I can so casually wound. If only on a cerebral level, it doesn't fit. But he is so easily hurt by my coldness that I can feel the disconnect in my heart, now, too.

Sometimes it takes a summoning of such resolve that it's draining. Only others like me would truly understand.

Love never has been easy for me.

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