Tuesday, October 30, 2007

An Open Letter to Conair, Makers of My Toaster Oven

To Whom it May Concern,

You people suck big time.

Oh, the new toaster oven arrived quickly for sure. That's probably because Arizona and Minnesota are so close, like your helpful customer service rep pointed out.

But it's not all unicorns and English Muffins around here yet. You see, the toaster you sent me was packed with only the thinnest layer of bubble wrap between it and the cold, unfeeling world. And that world smashed it.

I kid you not, Conair, every bit of plastic on the thing was cracked or shattered, much like my heart when I realized I would not be enjoying any crunchy, buttery, muffiny goodness. This is the second time you've let me down, and I fear our tenuous relationship is coming to an end.

When I called again to complain about my shattered dreams, your representative assured me that UPS would come to my home to pick up the toaster oven and that another would be on its way post haste!

Lies!

No one has come. And every day I look sadly on the smashed toaster and wish I could smash you, Conair.

Less & less fondly,
S

1 comment:

Dana said...

I'm saying you need to actually send that letter to Conair.

Your toaster oven troubles break my heart, dear Badger.