Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Arizona is to Minnesota what The Ends of the Earth are to the Earth

I am forced to return our toaster oven.

The thing is defective, a Cuisinart TOB-50 whose door will not latch fully without repeated slamming. I was wondering if I just didn't have the right touch, until I noticed that every other Amazon review mentioned the same problem.

So, in what has become the Story of My Life, I spend 20 minutes on hold waiting for the Cuisinart Customer Service Representative to take my call. That's after I was already on hold for 16 minutes but accidentally hung up while trying to multi-task. It was the worst feeling in the world.

When Joseph finally removes me from the endless muzak loop and listens to my complaint, he runs me through a series of pointless toaster oven examination maneuvers.

"Now look at the toaster oven. Is the metal tray protruding so that the door can't shut?" he asks.

I remain seated on the couch. "No."

"Okay," he says. I hear a page flipping sound in the background. "Now check and tell me if anything is obstructing the door."

"There's nothing," I respond from the living room. Does Cuisinart really not check its customer reviews?

He skims the pages in front of him out loud for several minutes. "Okay, well, we're going to go ahead and replace the unit for you," he finally says to me.

It takes him nearly 10 minutes to collect my mailing information and phone number. He seems distracted. He's probably checking his email and playing first-person shooters at the same time. At least, that's what I'm doing.

"So as soon as you mail the unit back to us, we'll be able to get the new one out to you," he wraps up.

Wait. What?

"I have to mail this one back before I can have my new one? I have to go without my toaster oven for like, a week or more?" I'm nearly in tears. I love toaster ovens. I cook everything in them, including the English Muffins I eat every single day.

Joseph tries to console me, telling me the processing will take less than one business day and that they'll mail the new unit out the very same day they receive my old one.

"Oh wait," Joseph exclaims. "More good news!" I brighten, suddenly interested in a single thing he has to say. "You'll have it really really fast. The plant where we'll be shipping this from is in Arizona! That's right by you!"

1 comment:

Dana said...

You just made my day.