Friday, August 10, 2007


I question I have is who needs toddlers when you've got two small dogs?

We buy two of everything, thinking--wrongly--that the Buds will be content to each have his own bone. We are clearly in way over our heads. Ka Liko, being the alpha, will grab Aikane's bone immediately and run off to sit on the back of the sofa. Aikane, not content to just eat the discarded bone which is now lying directly in front of him, will inevitably stare enviously at Ka Liko and bark incessantly. Because heaven forbid they both just chew their bones in peace.

Their only toy is the mostly inedible version of the Nylabone. This is because Aikane, in addition to having Jaws of Steel, also has an attitude problem created by his previous owners which causes him to morph into SuperBitch whenever a toy is too good. Liko used to have a tiny white stuffed Bichon, his Mini-Me, which he carried around everywhere when he was younger. He slept with it, played with it, humped it constantly, and tried to eat its eyes. Cute doggie things. Less than a week after we got Aikane, though, Mini-Me was history and Aikane was pooing out yards of faux fur.

Because yes, like a child, Aikane wants just about everything in his mouth. And once it's there, good luck getting it out. Things Aikane has ingested or tried to ingest include a wood screw, pennies, a prominent section of our brand-new living room rug, countless phone chargers, his own tail, an unplugged surge protector, my cell phone, plastic bags (but not the kind you get when shopping), a wine cork, most of the leaves from my only individually owned and ill-fated plant, Chandler; and a vast quantity of the DNB's socks, t-shirts, and undies. I'm going the low-ball the number of paper products he's eaten at about 1,500. Oddly enough, and his survival does depend on this, he doesn't eat shoes.

As I've said before, until it becomes socially acceptable to leave a small child in a crate for two hours while Mommy and Daddy enjoy a quiet dinner, I'm sticking with canines.

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