Saturday, July 28, 2007

S's First Morning in Minnesota: I Did Not Drink Last Night

I am disoriented and confused!

It's 5am, and the Buds want to eat breakfast. Since this is when the DNB usually feeds them before he leaves, I can't fault them for disturbing my slumber.

Groggy, I put my slippers on and start to walk out of the bedroom. As I do, I notice a small white mound on the carpet. If not cocaine, I think, then what? I examine it closely. Aikane wants to eat it. White Dog Vomit? Still uncertain, I pick it up gingerly with a tissue and throw it away.

Walking downstairs, I am assaulted by the loud sound of a "Girls Gone Wild" Paid Program. The TV is off, but the tuner is on and appears to be playing at full volume. I stand there for a minute, trying to figure out what is going on. I come up blank.

The Buds want to eat, so I fill their bowls and let them outside. As I wait for them, I spot a pile of poo on the floor. WTF? I stare at it. The Buds have been with me all night and to-date through the morning.

The obvious conclusion I reach at last: a not-so-clever burglar has broken in, watched television, spilled his blow, and taken a crap on the floor. Unusually undisturbed by this thought, I check the lock on the front door, collect the Buds, and head back to bed.

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