Sunday, June 24, 2007

My Number One Rule

I'm on the phone with the DNB. I hear a faint splashing sound in the background.

"Are you peeing??" I ask accusingly.

"No," he replies calmly. "You seem to have a real thing about peeing."

"It's one of my rules, you know that. No peeing while on the phone," I insist.

LSB has been violating the spirit of this rule in the worst possible way since I've been living with her. I'm often camped out in the living room studying when she comes home from work. She embarks on a story as she walks in, most of the time heading straight for the bathroom and continuing as she drops trou. She talks louder over the sound, flushes, and emerges, all without breaking the flow of her tale, so to speak.

This is disturbing to me. I'm very private about my bathroom time and don't understand why others would want to share theirs. I don't know where I get this. My mother doesn't think it's a big deal. Every once in a while, I'll hear her flush while we're on the phone.

"Ma!" I yell. "Were you going to the bathroom while you talked to me?"

"It's not a big deal," she says. "I didn't want to have to hang up."

"No, do! Do hang up! Call me back! I'll wait!" I'm appalled.

[Editor's note: Now there will be some of you, the DNB's mother notably included, who will contemplate doing this to me purposely, just because I've spent an entire post gabbing on about it. I realize I open myself up to this type of childish behavior when I am emotionally vulnerable in this manner.]

There's another splosh.

"Are you peeing now?" I demand.


Kyle said...

I won't do that, because I'm a nice guy.

Anonymous said...

Brandon does that to me. Gross.