Saturday, May 19, 2007

Tell Me Something I Don't Know

The doctor is in!

He's 30 minutes late, so I'm dozing on the exam table. Sebastian the First ruptured a few weeks ago, amid a multitude of Vicodin and a tearful call to the DNB, who would not leave his Emergency Room shift for his ailing wife. Being married to a doctor isn't all it's cracked up to be, still. I'm here now to get the results of an additional ultrasound, which showed another cyst.

The doctor, however, in his rush to start seeing his waiting patients, hasn't had time to properly review my chart. "So you're here for pelvic pain," he states.

"No," I respond. "I'm here for an ultrasound follow-up." I do have great respect for the doctoring profession as a whole, but I am interested to see how this visit will go.

"Ah, yes," he says and flips through my chart. "So last time you were here, your cyst was... [more flipping] the same size it is now. Well, that's good."

"Actually," I correct him, "it's a different cyst. The last one was on my right ovary. This one is on my left."

"So it is, so it is," the doctor acknowledges. He continues flipping for a moment, then begins pacing the room. "What happens is that your body cycles every four weeks."

I nod. I am, after all, 26 years old. I do know a thing or two about the female cycle.

"When your body cycles," he continues, "it releases an egg."

I nod again and swing my legs restlessly.

"You need to be aware of a laproscopic procedure we can do. It's a surgical procedure in which we look inside the pelvis to figure out what's causing unexplained pain." He continues pacing.

"But I'm not having pain anymore," I remind him.

He stops in front of me and picks up my chart again. "Let's look at the ovary volume."

"Okay," I agree.

"What's happened here is a switch. The right ovary is down to where the left ovary was before, but now the left ovary volume has increased."

"Okay," I say again.

He starts pacing again, back and forth across the room. "So for unexplained pain like yours, we would do a laproscopic procedure."


"It's a surgical procedure. We look inside the pelvis to see what might be causing you pain. Sometimes it's completely normal. Sometimes there's something wrong, but we can fix it. We use that procedure for unexplained pain."

"But I thought the pain I formerly had was caused by the cyst," I tell him.

"Well, yes. So that wouldn't be unexplained then."

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