Thursday, May 24, 2007


Here's the thing: don't talk to me about money.

Unless we are BFF, and you know who you are, don't tell me how much you make. Don't ask me how much I make. Don't wonder how I can afford what I choose to spend money on. Don't judge me for what I buy or don't buy.

Just don't.

In our pre-marital counseling, I verbalized my "thing" with money. I was afraid that with all the oneness and sharing of marriage, I was going to lose some of the financial independence I've prized. I didn't want to give up my ability to buy the things that I enjoy, without question or pause from anyone else. For me, money is personal and private. Our pastor looked at the DNB and spoke the obvious, "This is a hot-button issue for her." The DNB was nonplussed. He knew it; all that was left was to be careful with it.

The day we went through every one of our financial assets and debts together was momentous for me. It felt as intimate as sex; it was a soul-baring union. It is true that the things we spend money on and the debts we amass say something about who we are, but it wasn't that. It was that lingering fear, still, the giving up of that remnant of my singlehood. We made a pact - that there are things I enjoy buying that he doesn't "get," and vice versa. It's an understanding about our lack of understanding, and we listed those things we would like to be able to use our money on, responsibly, without judgment or reprimand from the other. It has kept our finances remarkably harmonious, healthy, and open.

With He For Whom I Have Forsaken All Others, I can do this. For the rest of the world, however, it remains a hot-button. Let's not touch it.


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Makes sense to me!