Monday, May 7, 2007

And None of It Designed to Soak Out Calvinism

Whenever I'm in the shower, it seems that the DNB gets industrious. He begins doing the dishes, watering the lawn, starting laundry, and power-washing the exterior of the house. And the neighbors' houses.

As many of you are well aware, this type of behavior from the DNB is uncharacteristic and, thus, rarely cause for complaint. However, this wonderful old house we live in has a shower of the kind immortalized by Garrison Keillor in his poem "The Old Shower Stall."

But to freeze a body is gentle
Compared with when you boil it
Which happened in this shower
If somebody flushed a toilet

Today, though, for reasons unknown, the DNB again proceeds to perform all manner of water-intensive tasks the moment I close the bathroom door.

"Ahhhhhhhhhh!" I yell as the water turns frigid. I stand shivering, hollering to the DNB and trying to avoid the spray until the water turns warm again.

Three minutes pass.

"Hoooolyyyyy . . . !" I scream when it goes hot. This is not a situation to be taken lightly: I've already sustained second-degree burns on my foot from a previous sudden loss of cold water. I jump out of the way, the safety of my still-scabbed feet in mind, and huddle at the back of the shower, the water too hot for me to reach the nozzle and turn it away from me. "Heeeyyyyyyy!" I yell at the top of my lungs.

Two minutes pass.

A knock comes at the bathroom door. "Yeah, baby?" he asks, blissfully unaware of my predicament.

"Are you trying to give me hypothermia or a need for skin grafts?" I ask. The night before we had, for unrelated reasons, discussed at length the best methods for warming someone with hypothermia. Our conclusion: submersion in warm water. However, the DNB had made it clear that submersion should not be performed in water above 120 degrees. So he clearly wasn't just trying to cure my chills.

"Oh sorry," he laughs and goes downstairs to turn off the kitchen sink.

I do a little dance maneuver to keep my toes away from the still boiling water.

1 comment:

Kimberly said...

I think I might be rethinking the pillow and toothpaste games ... :)