Monday, April 2, 2007

Of Course I'm Serious, and Don't Call Her Shirley

There are a few benefits to being married.

Taxes, for one, and having someone around to help you pick up dog poos in the house. Also, you don't have to pay for wireless internet connections at two separate apartments.

But the most oft overlooked benefit of having One For Whom You Have Forsaken All Others is that once married, you can talk about baby names without fear of Scaring Him Off.* **

Try to follow my train of thought. We were driving to Minnesota. It's a long drive, we're listening to some tunes and discussing the great injustice it is that his health insurance will cost him $20/month, but to add me as a dependant will cost $500 more, as if I could get that sick. Ben Folds' song "Gracie" comes on. It's a beautiful song Ben wrote about his daughter. My Grandma's name was Grace, which made me think about daughters and the name Grace, and how nice it is to honor your loved ones by using their names.

And in an instant I knew: Madeline Grace.

Somehow the DNB did not hate it. He even liked it, quite a lot. It hasn't been on the Most Popular Baby Names list for at least the last 6 years, which he counts as a plus. Also, it doesn't end with an "an" sound. Who could've known my husband is absolutely adverse to names that end in "an?" Although it is probably something that should have been addressed during our pre-marital counseling, I am willing to go along with it, at least until I come up with an "an" name that I really, really love.

Then we went through the alphabet, listing off boy names. This proved much more difficult, as Ben Folds has not written a song about a baby boy, and "Stan" and "Eddie Walker" are not viable options. So instead of coming up with a good name, we came up with a bad name. Kirby Norbit Eugene is what we settle on for now, so we at least have something to call him when we need to refer to our Future Son, who will clearly be the bookish type with an extensive Star Trek figurine collection.

"Stop scratching your balls, you're setting a bad example for Kirby," for example. Or "I clearly need a four-wheel drive luxury vehicle, otherwise I won't be able to pick Kirby up from Debate Club. Have you seen the snow out there?"

As you can see, I'm going to get my money's worth out of these kids.


* Let me be clear, there are no plans to start actually having babies any time soon. And by any time soon, I mean in the next 10-15 years. Right now, we're still at the Trying to Talk About Them Without Hyperventilating in Sheer Terror Stage.

** This post is coincidentally timed, but has nothing to do with the text message we sent the DNB's mother yesterday, April 1st, who is spending the week in Florida with her husband and some friends: "Don't want to disturb your spring break, call when you get a chance. Might be having an addition to the family??!!" We then the let phone ring for the next two hours, until we figured the whole group of them had sufficiently theorized about the meaning of the message. I don't typically pull April Fools pranks, but the recent jump in the "I just miss holding babies" comments really required some action.

1 comment:

Kimberly said...

You can't, can't, can't name your child after a vacuum cleaner!