Tuesday, April 24, 2007

His and Hers Oral Hygiene

I find new ways to antagonize the DNB!

In addition to his pillows, he is also very particular about his toothpaste. This is why we have two tubes of the stuff, because I can't be bothered to squeeze it carefully from the bottom each time. We tried to share, but for the sake of the marriage we decided to live life separately, toothpaste-wise. I just grab it wherever and squeeze, usually creating a thumb-sized valley down the center of the tube. It works out in the end with very little waste, but the DNB can't stomach a tube that isn't perfectly flat on the one end, with the toothpaste pressed up nicely against the open end.

I just can't resist. I begin each morning by flattening his toothpaste tube in the opposite direction, so all the toothpaste is pressed against the closed end of the tube. By nightfall, the toothpaste is again where it should be, all clustered up near the opening. I press it backwards again.

"Did you brush your teeth, dear?" I ask the DNB sweetly one night.

"Yes, and I know you've been messing with my toothpaste," he shouts from the bathroom. I am impressed by my husband's remarkable acumen. "And I know that you know that I know," he continues, "Because you can see that I have to fix it each time." He comes into the bedroom.

"You're right - I do know that you know that I know," I reply. "Which is why it's so funny. I'd have only had the fun of it once if you didn't keep fixing it."

He swats me with one of his pillows. Which is actually mine.

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