Saturday, March 24, 2007

We All Regress Sometimes

I am banned from Lowe's!

The DNB won't let me come in with him anymore, because I whine too much. "You ruin my Lowe's experience," he told me a few weeks ago. This is a statement which only men or very handy women would understand, because it implys that experiences you have in Lowe's are such that they could be ruined by something other than stepping foot inside.

I have not found this to be so. Their products are only slightly easier to find than employees. I always seem to end up doing multiple laps around the perimeter (which measures just under 2.3 miles) trying to find magnetic hooks or sheet metal. They need an indexed map, if you ask me, cross-referenced to common home improvement projects.

But since no one did, I've been relegated to the car, where I sit petulantly.

3 comments:

julie said...

I am not much for a Lowes or Home Depot either, however my husband drags me in there every time. I guess shopping in a department store is just as boring to men as shopping in Lowes is to us ladies.

steve_whyte said...

Only on such an important topic would I feel it necessary to comment, coupled with the possibility that you might be a rare candidate for Lowe's "re-hab".

You might notice that many of the males attendees at Lowes are of the Bubba-variety and are obviously benefiting from the cardio-vascular experience of multiple perimeter laps.

Note: You'll find the magnetic "stuff" in close proximity to the other metal "stuff" as magnetic hooks don't adher to wooden products without use of a large nail (found in different location).

Rather that sit "petulantly" in the car, avail yourself of the highly informative and dramatic "how-to-do-it" classes held on Saturdays and Sundays. Secretly attend seveal of these classes after which you too will in infused with the desire to wander aimlessly in the aisles content to point at a variety of great stuff noting it's exact location for that key point of time in the future when you will actually need what you've already located in advance.

Trust me! It works as evidenced by the millions of men who have successfuly "passed through" this key challenge of life.

Erik said...

From the DNB himself: let’s just say that only when my wife TRULY understands the importance of the “Mecca of Manliness” will she be allowed back in. The reapplication process will be lengthy and arduous, but if she had a full appreciation for what it represents, she will willingly and enthusiastically comply with the necessary procedure. We can’t allow further experiences to be tainted by such negative energy.